


No Ifs Ands or Butts

by Rosalind2013



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Awkwardness, Chat Noir being an awkward bean, Crack, F/M, Flustered Chat Noir, Humor, Ladybug Is So Done, No Smut, This Is STUPID, clean humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-12
Packaged: 2019-06-26 04:52:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15656136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosalind2013/pseuds/Rosalind2013
Summary: Our superheroes have a difficult day. Crack fic.





	No Ifs Ands or Butts

**Author's Note:**

> Oh hi, it’s my first intentional crack fic. Inspired by the lovely DailyNoirs Discord server.
> 
> I'm warning everyone now: This is a lot different from my usual stuff! AND IT'S REALLY DUMB.

When the dust cleared and the magical swarm of ladybugs repaired the city to its former glory, the citizens began to reemerge from their hiding places in an attempt to catch a glimpse of their saviors. 

Ladybug and Chat Noir were the most revered celebrities of their time, and a picture alone was worth weeks of bragging rights. 

Alya Cesaire was the most determined of them all, and her blog was the number one source of news on all things Ladybug. So Alya always opted to skip the “hiding” step entirely. She stepped out from behind a newly righted car and strode up to the heroes with her phone out and live stream switched on. 

Chat Noir extended his fist for their customary fist bump, and Ladybug brought her hand up to return it. 

As if the universe was conspiring to give Alya a record-breaking number of viral views, the biggest bug imaginable came zipping past Ladybug’s face. 

The superheroine’s arm shot out to shoo the prehistoric leftover away, and the gathered crowd went deathly silent as a resounding smack echoed through the streets. 

Alya’s breath stuck in her throat as Chat Noir’s face turned an unnatural shade of red. 

Ladybug stood just as frozen as the crowd. She blinked, staring at her own hand as if she too couldn’t believe where it had ended up. Then Ladybug eyed her appendage with utter disdain, as if her hand had committed a heinous crime independent of her. 

The traitorous hand was still planted firmly on Chat Noir’s rear. 

Someone in the crowd wolf-whistled, and Ladybug jerked away from her partner as if she’d been burned. 

Chat Noir stared wordlessly, his expression oddly blank despite the blush that covered every bit of visible skin.

“Ohmygosh, I’m so sorry! That was a complete accident! I mean, did you see that bug? It was huge and I freaked-“ Ladybug rambled, waving her arms around in a panic as she tried to clear the air. 

Alya glanced back down at her screen to ensure that nothing had slipped out of focus. 

“Chat? Chat Noir?” Ladybug said, waving a hand in front of her partner’s face. 

The cat boy continued to stare blankly, as if he hadn’t heard her. 

“Look, I said I was sorry. Can we just forget this ever happened?” she pled, clasping her hands in front of her chest. 

His vacant expression never changed, and his face seemed to be permanently flushed. Ladybug winced when his ring beeped. 

“Chat, we need to get out of here,” she reminded him.

He didn’t move. 

“Chat Noir!” she shouted, stomping her foot for good measure. 

“I think you broke him,” a man in the crowd said, garnering murmurs of agreement from the onlookers. 

Ladybug reached out and grabbed her partner’s wrist, intent on guiding him away from the crowd, but he made no move to follow her. She tugged on him, but only succeeded in yanking his arm.

She briefly considered manhandling him, but decided against it. 

“How do I un-break him?” she asked no one in particular. 

“Maybe slap him again?” a man in the crowd suggested with a shrug.

“Yeah, maybe it’ll be like an “On” and “Off” switch!” a teenage girl reasoned. 

Ladybug almost rolled her eyes at the idea, but then Chat Noir’s ring beeped again and panic flooded her at seeing that there was only one paw print left.

She took a deep breath and raised her hand in preparation. 

“Sorry Chat, it looks like I’m out of sensible options,” Ladybug muttered.

The civilian’s eyes widened as he realized the scene about to unfold. “Ladybug, you don’t have to hit his-“ 

Ladybug squeezed her eyes shut and brought her hand down again.

Chat Noir yelped and jumped several feet away from his partner, eyeing her with trepidation and beet red skin. 

“What-?” he squeaked, cat eyes wide with fear. 

Ladybug paled. “The first time was an accident, I promise!” 

“And the second time?” Alya prodded, clutching her phone for dear life as her live stream notifications blew up. 

Ladybug’s eyes darted to and fro, and then she pointed at Chat Noir’s ring in an effort to deflect attention from herself.

“Chat Noir, you’re going to change back,” Ladybug shouted, prompting the cat boy into action. 

He shot off like a rocket, and Ladybug breathed a sigh of relief. The superheroine turned to Alya with an awkward but hopeful smile. 

“Any chance you won’t put that video up?” Ladybug asked. 

“Sorry,” Alya said, turning the screen around so that Ladybug could see the “Live” label at the top. 

Ladybug paled and fled the scene at the speed of light.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if you came here expecting this to be good LOL


End file.
